


Bergamot Feels

by waywardlesbian



Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell, Simon Snow & Related Fandoms
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Book 2: Wayward Son, Song fic, first time saying the l word, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:47:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24346753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/waywardlesbian/pseuds/waywardlesbian
Summary: A tiny bit of post Wayward Son fluff based on the song “Bergamot Feels” by Edwin Raphael because I saw the word bergamot and obviously thought of Simon and Baz immediately. Also, the phrase “carry on” is in the lyrics, so it was meant to be!
Relationships: Tyrannus Basilton "Baz" Pitch/Simon Snow
Comments: 16
Kudos: 80





	Bergamot Feels

**Author's Note:**

> I highly recommend listening to the song because it's super soft and his voice is so pretty! Plus I use a ton of lyrics because again, the song just screams Simon and Baz to me. Also, this is my first time writing/publishing a fic, so if you have any feedback, hit me with it!

BAZ  
There’s always been something so inexplicably compelling about Simon Snow. He’s said that it was his magic that drew mages to him, but I don’t agree. His magic is gone now, but I still feel something flowing through him, something that pulls me to him endlessly. It’s special and uniquely him and it drives me absolutely insane.  
Even now, as I’m laid up on the couch with him and he’s curled up on my chest and dozing off while watching one of his baking shows I still feel a bit crazy. He’s consuming all of my senses as well as my thoughts, and I’m getting lost in my feelings for him.  
He jolts awake and after a second, I’m fully pulled out of my head. He smiles up at me and my throat closes up as I try not to choke on how much I love him. 

SIMON  
Baz makes a strangled noise as I look up at him, then turns just the tiniest bit red as he looks at the ceiling. He’s clearly embarrassed about the sound he made, so of course I have to tease him.  
“Alright there, Baz?” I grin at him cheekily.  
“Yea, I was just trying to catch my breath since you’ve been crushing me all night.” I frown a little at that, hoping that he would have told me if he was uncomfortable. Then the side of his mouth twitches up and I know he’s only teasing me back. I grab his hand and tangle my fingers with his, beaming up at him again.  
I love that he’s started teasing me again, and while there are still days where I don’t feel as though I can do much more than stare into space, it helps when it feels like Baz is the same, even if nothing else is. I’ve tried putting on a straight face about my bad days, but Baz always sees right through me. Instead of pushing him away like I used to, I’m learning to let him help, even if it's just asking him to sit on the couch so I can lay on him. I nearly lost him in America, whether to shotguns or to my own insecurities, but after an extremely uncomfortable yelling match on the plane home, Baz made it clear that regardless of what I felt about it, he would not be going anywhere unless I could tell him I didn’t care about him. It nearly slipped out then, the name for the strange feeling that’s been making me breathless longer than I care to think about. I couldn’t hide that I cared about him, and he’s been stubbornly at my side ever since, even as I struggle through all of the hurt still tucked away inside of me.  
And so we’ve carried on, together.

BAZ  
I still haven’t gotten tired of holding Simon Snow’s hand. It’s been well over a year since the first time I got to, and while there were a number of months in the middle where I hardly got to touch him at all, we’ve gotten back into the habit since America. Since I finally made him see that I’m not going anywhere, no matter what he thinks about him not being enough for me. I nearly slipped up during that fight, I almost said that I was terribly and painfully in love with him, but he saved me from that blunder by confessing that he cared about me and wanted me to stay if I was sure about him. As if I hadn’t been sure about him basically since the moment we’d met. I’d spent years with this strange feeling inside of me, one that I was scared to actually feel, until I finally had to admit it to myself. All that’s left now is to admit it to him, although I’m not sure I should tell him I love him unless he’s said it to me first, just in case he feels pressured.  
He does know now that I would never pressure him, not about anything. He’s also been more comfortable with asking for what he wants, so I don’t have to guess and then accidentally end up doing the wrong thing. Because of that, I don’t really believe he would feel pressured if I told him, but I want him to be comfortable and I’m happy with how things are now. There’s certainly no need to change it just so I can breathe a little easier. I’m still breathing, even with those words stuck in my throat every time I’m around him. I’ll hang onto them until I know it’s the right time.  
“Let’s go to bed, yea?” he asks, sitting upright and pulling me after him.  
“Alright, I’m going to have my shower first, though. Don’t worry about waiting up.” He frowns, but nods as he stands up. He lets go of my hand to rub at his eyes, and I instantly miss the feel of his skin. I compensate for it by standing up and wrapping my arms around him as he starts to walk away. I pull his back to my chest and he sighs, the sound sending a thrill through me. It’s still a bit surprising when Snow is happy that I’m holding him. I leave a ghost of a kiss on his curls, then plant another one on his cheek before letting go. He turns to me and nearly blinds me with his smile before he walks down the hall, grabbing my hand and pulling me after him. He brushes his teeth in the bathroom while I grab a set of pyjamas to change into. As he leaves the bathroom, he grabs my hand again, stopping me from sliding past him to take my shower. He reaches up and gently brushes my lips with his. After a moment, I smile into his mouth, and I feel him do the same. We break apart, and that choking feeling is back, so I speak before it can swallow me whole.  
“Goodnight, Snow.”  
“Night Baz,” he whispers, before he squeezes my hand one last time and heads to his room.  
I step into the bathroom for my shower. I’m grateful I have some time to collect myself before I join him, otherwise I’m not sure I’d be able to stop myself from fully confessing my feelings. Whenever he kisses me first it nearly burns me alive because it serves as a physical reminder that he wants me, and I don’t think that will ever be anything less than amazing. I finish up my shower, go through my regular night routine, and change before I slip into his room. It looks like he’s asleep, so I quietly set my folded clothes on top of the dresser and slide into bed. I lie down facing him, touching my forehead to his and bringing a hand to his waist. I curl up into him, savouring his warmth. 

SIMON  
The sound of the door shutting brings me back to consciousness, and I manage to open my eyes a crack, although it's too dark to see much more than Baz’s shadow. I smell the cloud of cedar and bergamot that always clings to him after he showers, and it becomes stronger as he crawls into bed. The scent blocks everything else out as he comes closer, and as he gently lays his head against mine, I breathe him in. His hand lands on my waist, and I sigh, feeling incredibly content, and also so, so full of that strange feeling that I know the name of, as scared as I am to acknowledge it.  
Baz shifts, pulling me closer until he has my head tucked under his chin, his arm snaking under me until his hand is cupping my neck. I press my nose into his neck, refocusing on cedar and bergamot and how that smell makes me feel like I’m home. The thought of Baz as home, because that’s so clearly what he is, is making that feeling impossible to ignore, and in that moment I feel that if I don’t say it, I’ll suffocate.  
“Baz?” I whisper into his neck, scared to look at him.  
“Mhm?”  
“I love-” I pause, blowing out a breath before deciding I’m not brave enough tonight. I wait a beat, hoping he didn’t hear me.  
“Love what, Snow?” he asks, sounding a little more awake.  
Immediately, I answer “Bergamot.” I breathe again. “I love how you smell like bergamot after your showers.” And of course it's entirely true, even if it's not what I originally wanted to say.  
“That’s a bit creepy,” he says, before bending down to kiss my forehead, and then my cheek. “But thanks for letting me know, Simon,” his breath ghosts across my lips as he pulls back from my cheek.  
And that does it, I’m already weak from the soft kisses and I’m tired and warm and so happy and full of love and hearing him whisper my name gives me the courage I didn’t think I had.  
I set my jaw, pulling together every ounce of determination I have, and I look into his eyes as I finally put words to that strange feeling out loud. “And I love you, Baz.” I see him freeze in the light of the moon filtering in through the window, and for a moment I worry that I made a mistake. Then I see his eyes start to shine, and before I can say anything else to try and save the moment, he’s pressing his lips to mine, working his jaw and spreading my lips apart. I sigh into his mouth, and reach up to run my fingers through his hair. He pulls back after a moment, and looks me in the eyes. I nearly gasp at how vulnerable he looks.  
“I love you too, Simon Snow.” he whispers, and I can’t stop myself from grinning before I kiss him again. I break our kiss to whisper those words into his mouth again and again, and I feel my chest clear as he whispers them back. 

BAZ  
I can finally breathe easy.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Again, this is my first fic, so if you have any thoughts/criticisms, hit me up in the comments or at waywardlesbian on Tumblr! :)


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